The holidays are supposed to be "the happiest time of year" and "full of joy" or at least that's what we're told. But there are many reasons it may not be so joyful and happy for some people, perhaps you, or someone you know.
For those who are deeply concerned about the incoming administration, have no family nearby, are orphaned, estranged, have decided to break with tradition, this time of year can bring many mixed emotions including worry, confusion, grief, and sadness. Everywhere we turn we see images of happy families, decorations in windows, cards in the mail, news with concerning points... and conflicting emotions come flooding in... all while we're marketed to to buy gifts, over-indulge, be festive and celebrate non stop, go overboard, be jolly, and we're bombarded with Hallmark movies on every channel... What if we're afraid? What if we're grieving? What if we've suffered a financial setback, or have decided for whatever reason to stop the over consumption? What if we've just decided to stop.
Then stop. Stop pushing yourself where you don't want to go. Stop smiling on the outside when you're crying on the inside. Stop pretending to enjoy painful traditions. Stop doing what you don't agree with. Stop trying to fit into those boxes. You don't have to fit in. Stop. You have choice.
Slow down, breathe, and contemplate what you really want. And, be intentional with it. Be honest about it. Be clear in your communication with yourself and others.
If you've been invited to an event and you would rather spend a quiet evening home alone, but feel obligated to say yes, then this is the time to examine why you feel obliged. You have choice. It's not necessary to say yes to every invitation. Speak honestly with your friends and thank them graciously, maybe make plans for another time, then go get cozy for some quality alone time. Alone time does not have to mean lonely time. Use it to deepen into your new dreams and hopes.
If a tradition has bothered through the years then perhaps this is the year you'll start a meaningful conversation about it; share your thoughts and feelings in an inclusive way that honors everyone, and stay clear and honest about why you believe it's time to change it, or stop it altogether. Explain what is offensive about it, how you or someone else has been, is, or will be hurt by it, and why it is time to change, and offer some alternatives to find a solution together. You have choice.
Start a new tradition to honor your feelings. Set a place at the table for those that are passed, light a candle for dreams lost and new dreams, write meaningful poetry, donate to a cause close to your heart....
If it's the over consumption that has you feeling overwhelmed then this is the year you decide to be intentional about whatever you consume. You have choice. Whether it's food, drink, goods, gifts, events, or anything else intentionality is key. Ask yourself; "do I really need this?" "do I want this?" "how does it serve?" and "Is there something else that would serve me better?"
And perhaps that expensive gift you were going to charge on your already bloated credit card could be replaced with a heartfelt handmade gift, or quality time together for that someone special. You have choice. Ask yourself "what is it that they really want, would enhance their life, and they would be happy to receive and would also not deplete me?" There's your answer.
Set some times to go for nature walks, watch the birds, enjoy an outdoor fire, make a familiar comforting dish, do some of the things you used to do with your loved ones who are now gone. Honor your feelings. What do you need and want? There's no need to spend money or go to great lengths to enjoy the simple pleasures of the season.
These are just a few thoughts to ponder. I trust that you'll continue to lead an examined and intentional life that will bring meaning and satisfaction for you and your loved ones. The holidays are meant for reflection, so start there. Be gentle with yourself. Be authentic. Don't let SHOULDS decide your life. Let your life be led by your values. You have choice.
I wish you a life full of meaning and value, and I wish it for you in a genuine and authentic way that brings you true happiness today and everyday.
Warmly,
Janis
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